Wednesday, March 12, 2008

My First College Paper

This was my first college paper, it was for my English 111 class at Delta College. It was a 4-6 paragraph descriptive essay on a picture. We had three to choose from.

Skies of Fire, Shores of Ice

The couple was patrolling that beach like they were lost. The sun set the sky on fire, from horizon to horizon. Waves crashed in, both big and small. Upon contact, they met sand; sand that was smooth as ice. The couple took in all the scenes, sounds, and smells the glorious beach had to offer.

I saw it with my own eyes: the radiant sun glowed like a hot iron. However, the rays floated down to give a gentle warm kiss to the exposed skin of the body. It was eighty two degrees, not a degree too hot. I watched the couple under the burnt orange sky. The heavens were nearly cloudless, but Zeus was hovering. In the southern sky, small dark clouds lingered.

Next, I closed my eyes. My ears pricked up and listened to the steady crash of wave after wave connecting with shore, after miles and miles of ups and downs. The water levitates; it hangs in the air and enters the nostrils. That brine in the air leaves an unforgettable smell and texture with me. Every molecule tickles the tongue. Each breath leaves as potent a taste as my mother's saltiest foods. This place suited my eyes much better than my nose and mouth.

I opened my eyes to take in the glorious sight again. This time I looked not to the illuminated sky, but to the cool sand. I felt it on my bare feet. Through ten toes I felt the pleasant grit of sand. Through my same ten toes I saw the sand reaching to the heavens. The fine dust was pushing through. as if it was trying to escape that place. I peered across the shoreline at the couple. They looked as though they could ice skate on this glorious coast. This beach was not sand, but a sheet of ice; smooth ice reflecting the sun's rays. A canvass portraying the glorious burnt orange skyline; artwork worthy of the most famous painters.

The couple seemed happy to be a part of this wonderful landscape. The sunlight blazing through the sky smiled on the young couple. The water crashed onto the beach, trying to reach the toes of this young couple. I took another look at that frozen sand, that beautiful painting. Yes, I think that couple was happy to see this beautiful sight. However, I think the shoreline appeared more delighted to see them.

And here is what my Professor, Mrs. Hutchins, said:

Assignment: Eng. 111 Unit 6 Descriptive Paper
Comments: You did a really good job writing a fictional account of the photo. Tie yourself in with stating you were somewhere where you could see them a little more clearly as it kind of goes from them to you to them. Your description was concrete, and your word choice was excellent. You used all the senses in a very concrete manner. The presentation was excellent as was the organization.This was your best work to date:-)
Grade: 25 / 25


JP said...

I think it's interesting you chose to describe an ocean since I'm sure you don't remember the only body of saltwater you've ever been to. It was pretty accurate, too. It was good, I miss my beach in California.

carriegel said...

You had me thinking of Hawaii.

You really are a good writer. I really enjoy reading your blog every day.

Jock said...

Must run in the family.

Just not sure who's family.